Memento Mori

I am driving into the sunset.  The colors of the sky are brilliant; as pinks, oranges and reds dominate the skyline.  The sun continues to set and the palate changes into the darker hues.  It feels as if I'm driving into heaven itself as I make my way down some random country lane.

Change and loss have been on my mind a lot this October.  We celebrated the second anniversary of our move from Florida quietly.  We remembered the passing of my mother quietly and are dealing with the loss of Susan's father the best we can.   Her father passed earlier this evening.

It's only a matter of time for my father as well. Death and change have been on my mind as of late.  

How do you deal with the passing of a parent?  How do you deal with the the realization of our own mortality?  Because like it or not we are next in line.  

The coming days will be filled with grief as Susan’s family members say goodbye to their Dad.  I will be there beside them to provide what comfort I can.  One of the biggest regrets I have in my life was not being there to provide comfort for another important woman in my life when her mother died.  I will not fail this one.

We have spoken briefly about her beliefs.  She feels that there is more to this world as well although she cannot define what that is.  I understand that.  It is like an early morning fog that obscures our view of the valley below.  We know it’s there, we know it’s beautiful but we cannot see it yet.

So we wait for the fog to lift and we enter the valley. 

 

When I talk about wanting to plant fruit trees on my property and leave behind a yard full of edible and medicinal plants for the next generation, that will be my legacy.  I'm basically trying to help the next generation along.  I'm doing my small part to fight climate change.  It's my hope that some wandering souls in the wasteland that my generation helped create will take refuge here and give thanks.   

 I am not going to bore you, gentle reader, with philosophical or religious texts.  Although I will say this, that I do believe is something greater than this world...although what it is defies any rational or logical thought.  This world is too beautiful and mysterious.The fact that the leaves change from green to red and gold only to fall upon the ground and provide food and nutrients to the tree is the providence of science.   The fact that we can take comfort in and recognize the beauty of those falling leaves in another thing entirely.

While I am in no hurry to die, I do not fear death.  For I will return to the natural world. 

If anything scares me...it is the fact that I will stop "living".  That the joys of this world - the kiss and touch of a wonderful woman, the subtle joys of a good wine or tasteful dish...the ability of music to shake our very souls...will simply cease to be experienced.  That is what I fear.

Remember that you to are mortal.