Between the rock and a hard place

This is the "personal" piece that I didn't plan on writing at all.

I keep this blog to help me sort out the jumble of thoughts and emotions that are always bouncing around my head and for the sake of history.  For example, I knew I suffered from depression when I went back and read my personal journals; noticing how I was always bitching about the same things but never doing anything to change it.  

The old saying about repeating the same pattern and expecting different results is very true.  Once I broke out of those patterns (with help from a mental health professional) my life got a whole hell of a lot better.  Thus it sort of pains me to see me considering going back into a career that I never expected to be in the first place.

Call Centers/Customer Service have been what I've done for the majority of my life.  When the pandemic came, I was able to work form home, and I got used to sitting around in my PJ's drinking my coffee and answering call after call about the same crap all the time.

In the last 15 years of call center life, I've been working more with professionals than I have been the public as a whole.  That meant that I've been a mentor, a trainer and a problem solver.   My job could be interesting, it could be challenging and it was always steady work.

However when I started my last position with the The Company (I do not wish to speak ill of them) I was also exposed to the biggest disadvantage to Call Center life.  That's when you are dealing with idiots most of the day that are either to dumb to read the instructions, are not trained properly to do their job in the first place or simply lazy and would rather you do their jobs for them.    

Nor did I think the company knew what to do with me.   I had been a successful licensed agent, and they had lots of former agents on their teams.  Yet not keeping our licensing current, or even allowing to know the details of a particular program (we were NOT appointed to the Company) never made sense to me.  

There are some advantages however, for example I realized that my car was sitting in the garage day after day, sometimes not being driven for weeks at at time.  This was saving me a ton of guzzolen and money.   Since I was trying to eat a plant based diet, it was easier to make the meals that I wanted to eat at home.  Plus I saved money by not having to buy my meal if I forgot my lunch or breakfast.

Well I never did the numbers myself it's been estimated that working from home full time cuts the average carbon footprint by up to 54%.  Hybrid work depends on the number of days you are working from home but even then it can be as high as 29%.    Again every little bit helps!

The Company was basically wanting me to travel back and forth to Cleveland.  While a few days a month were certainly acceptable, when would it turn into everyday?  That specter was always on the horizon.  And even if I wanted to move into a new position, they required that you be within 50 miles of Cleveland, which I am not.

It's been nearly six months since I voluntary left my job with "The Company", and the job that I work now does offer some nice benefits like actually talking to people about something other than work.  I need human contact more than I thought I did.

The job that I work now is really low stress, as long as I hit my numbers (and I often exceed those numbers because I've been doing sales/customer service all my life).  I'm left alone to my own devices because sales is all about listening.  The customer will tell you what they want, you just have to hear them.  

However this is a job where I am expected to work weekends, which makes planning things with friends and family a bit difficult as well as not have a set schedule.  In other words, I may work different shifts on different days.   Again, this makes life outside of work difficult to plan.

Pay wise, I'm actually getting paid less than I was at "The Company".  Then you have to figure in the costs of commuting, what happens if I forget to bring a lunch, etc.  Luckily Susan and I always lived below our means and have not had to dip into our savings, however we are not adding to them either.  It's been estimated that the average remote worker saves about $6000 a year.  Certainly nothing to sneeze at and that money can be invested in a variety of different ways. 

As I approach retirement I know that money would come in handy.

In other words, this current job is costing me.  Well Sue and I have always lived at this level (which was previously below our means), it's only going to be a matter of time before we have to dip into our savings or make some hard choices.   For example, my car is paid off in full but if we needed to replace it we would not be able to afford a new car payment.

There are remote and hybrid jobs out there, and I just needed to get off my ass and apply for them.   So it's the rock and the hard place.   I basically need to work 10 more years before I can retire...and I am just not sure if I want to go back to being tethered to a desk and dealing with issues all day.  Even though it makes economic sense for me to do so.

So....what do I do?  Logically I need to go back into the field before AI makes me obsolete.  However I really don't want to, and I also know that I can't stay in the local area or field that I'm in now.   In moving to the country we accepted that we would be moving to a depressed area, and jobs are available here...but they simply pay less than what I was making before.

Plus honestly that means updating the resume, getting a new e-mail as my current ones are so full of spam I rarely, if ever, touch them.  

I made mistakes....now I have to correct them.  It really is that simple.  I just don't know what to do...and I am afraid of starting over but staying still is really not an option.