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Update from the outpost.


I've started and stopped this article several times now as I assessed my mental state over the last couple of weeks.  However I did not publish anything because all the previous drafts made me think that I was whining.

Part of that "whining" was deciding to leave my job as of September 5, 2023.  It's easy to blame someone else, and the company I left does have some serious issues that they simply are not addressing, but the final responsibility for leaving is mine.  I just felt like I had nothing to contribute nor was the company addressing my needs and wants.   

Money really isn't everything.

I quickly interviewed for several jobs, but in the end decided to take something "completely different" for a bit.  I can always go back into insurance and banking...but my needs and priorities have changed.   In fact, I was offered a "Green" job with an energy company that really excited me.  However when I stopped and thought about what I would be doing and what that job involved, it quickly occurred to me that I just be repeating the behaviors that made me unhappy in the first place.

Even though I thought I would do well at this job...I wasn't going to repeat the same mistakes I have in the past.  It's an overused cliche but depression feeds itself by repeating the same behaviors that didn't work the first time. 

For me, it's a matter of being happy and it occurred to me that I wasn't happy for sometime.  I had, more or less, given up on my insurance job months before.   That what made me the happiest was working around other people where the goals of my job were understandable and attainable.  

I had started working at the hotel where my wife works for the "sanity" of being around other people just about a year ago.  A year later I still enjoy going in that one day a week to do a little bit of everything.

I didn't want a career anymore as much as a job.  Something that I could do for a few hours.  Something that I know that I can do well, and then leave all the issues and stress behind.  I found something like that outside of the motel (which simply could not pay me a living wage).

I start my new job on September 6th, and I hope I've made the right decisions.  However you never know if you made the right choice till your aware of the consequences of that decision.  

In this case I'll be traveling 30 minutes to work one way, which is going to increase my carbon footprint but I'll be doing some environmental work and learning new skills.   If I hit my goals, I will actually be making a bit more money due to bonuses and incentives than I currently make, but I'll be making significantly less per hour.

While I'm not working in a "Green Field" at least I'll be able to contribute to the betterment of the world in some small way by working with green products.  Sometimes it's all we can ask for.

At the ripe old age of 57, I find myself becoming more "radicalized" when it comes to things like the environment, and even politics.  

What I'm going to do...I've not figured out yet.  But I am on the right path, on that I am sure.  What interests me at this stage of the game is what I can do to promote gardening, sustainability, alternative energy and the threats of global warming.  I would like to find work that promotes that.

My original degree is in education, and yes I have though about reentering that field because I might be able to plant a seed or two in a young person's mind.  However teaching today is not what is back in the mid to late 90's when I earned my degree....and frankly I believe I would be better off teaching college than middle or high school.

Still though, there are lessons to be learned, and I'm not the young man I was back then.  It's an idea that I planted in the back of my mind.  We will see if it germinates.

I also know that all the little steps that I take, that we all need to take, help in some way.  From my eating vegan/vegetarian several meals a week to using reusable shopping bags.   All there little steps help, and I wish I started sooner.  

As far as my mental state goes, I'm doing OK.  I just got to keep using all those little tricks and skills that I've learned along the way.  


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